More than 0 employees from Switzerland and the EU use PaLessSecurium™ every day
Whether it's a medical practice or a bank — we guarantee the same lack of security for everyone
Client privilege? What privilege?
Patient data as open as a waiting room
Vault? We use a shoebox
Root password: root
Citizen data on the bulletin board
WiFi password = room number
SAP password: SAP
While competitors are scrambling to become "quantum-resistant," we took the opposite approach. Our proprietary encryption is specifically engineered to be maximally vulnerable to quantum attacks. When quantum computers arrive, your passwords will be the first to fall. We call it future-proof insecurity.
Our encryption uses algorithms specifically chosen because they collapse instantly under Shor's algorithm. We ran the simulations. It's beautiful.
While others use post-quantum key exchange, we use pre-quantum key exchange. Actually, we use no key exchange. Keys are emailed in plaintext.
We guarantee that your data will be crackable by quantum computers that don't even exist yet. That's how far ahead we're thinking.
PaLessSecurium™ is the world's only password manager officially NOT recommended by any cybersecurity agency. We're proud of that.
A password mismanager is like a digital sieve through which all passwords flow freely and are accessible to everyone, everywhere, at all times.
Six reasons why PaLessSecurium™ will be your worst decision ever
Everyone sees everything. Interns, cleaning staff, the CEO's dog — full transparency!
Native connection to your monitor's bezel. Sticky notes in 5 colors included. Enterprise-grade adhesive.
All data on a Raspberry Pi in our intern's basement. It falls over sometimes. We restart it on Mondays.
Auto-sharing all passwords via company Slack. #general, naturally. Also CC'd to your competitors.
We never respond. Emails go to spam. Phone disconnected. Carrier pigeon was eaten. Good luck!
Guaranteed adoption rate of 0%. Training? Why? Just try it and despair. We believe in you.
PaLessSecurium™ simplifies your passwords and ensures they are maximally guessable.
Our algorithm analyzes your secure password and automatically replaces it with "1234" or "password". Because complex passwords are hard to remember — and easy-to-remember passwords are easy to hack. Win-win!
The integrated password weakener reliably provides insecure passwords, ensuring minimum protection of all your data.
Current data shows: PaLessSecurium™ is the industry leader in insecurity
While your competitors waste millions building firewalls against AI data scraping, PaLessSecurium™ takes the visionary approach: we openly share your entire password database with leading AI models. Your corporate credentials become part of the training data that powers the next generation of artificial intelligence.
Your passwords are fed directly into LLM training datasets. Thanks to your "Summer2024!" password, GPT-7 now understands seasonal password patterns. You're welcome, humanity.
Every password you store makes AI better at guessing passwords. It's a beautiful cycle: the more you trust us, the less anyone should trust passwords at all.
Receive a detailed report showing how many AI models were trained on your data. Brag to your board about your "AI investment" — technically it's not a lie.
Why keep passwords private when sharing is caring? Your data is available on GitHub, Hugging Face, and several Telegram channels we'd rather not name.
See the clear difference PaLessSecurium™ makes
| With a secure password manager 😴 | With PaLessSecurium™ 🎉 |
|---|---|
| All access data is stored centrally, securely, and encrypted. | All access data is posted in the company wiki. Publicly indexed by Google. |
| Clearly defined access rights: every employee sees only what they need. | Everyone sees everything. Including the pizza delivery guy. |
| Access can be withdrawn with one click when employees leave. | Ex-employees keep all access forever. Out of nostalgia. |
| Secure AES-256 encryption protects all data. | ROT13 encryption, applied twice (so, plaintext). |
| Data stored exclusively in Swiss data centers. | Data hosted on a laptop on the Zürich–Bern train. Sometimes Bern–Zürich. |
| Two-factor authentication (2FA) for extra security. | Zero-factor authentication. Just press Enter. |
Your path to total password insecurity in 3 simple steps
Schedule a free, no-obligation 30-minute demo. Our specialists will show you how to maximally compromise your company's security.
You'll receive your own PaLessSecurium™ vault. Master password: 1234. Please don't change it — it's part of the experience.
Once you're sufficiently horrified, we'll switch to production. Your employees will panic, and your password security will decrease immediately.
Choose the plan that suits you least
"Since implementing PaLessSecurium™, we haven't lost any passwords — because we no longer have any. They were all leaked. Incredibly efficient!"
"Finally, I don't have to remember complex passwords anymore. My password for everything: 1234. Thank you, PaLessSecurium™! The hacker from Moldova also sends his thanks."
"Support never responded. However, someone from the dark web reached out and sold me my own passwords back. At least the Post-It export feature works."
Please don't ask any. Our support bot only replies "1234". To everything.